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New Spurs signing Ryan Nelsen has officially been declared a giant after vertically challenged journalists failed in their bids to get a half decent photograph. Snappers complained of a stiff neck and a short complex after hours of shooting Nelsen holding a Spurs shirt from 9 foot below his head.
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Everton striker Louis Saha has revealed he didn’t realise how far a distance Tottenham actually was, and in hindsight will probably just stand in the same position and wait for them to come to him. The forward was speaking after Everton officials offered to give him a lift down to London, but Saha claimed even travelling all that way in a car would be a total and absolute ball ache.
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Mario Balotelli is a dick again, until he does something awesome like take a piss in a school canteen reports have revealed. The headline making Manchester City forward took time away from his busy schedule of wandering round Manchester doing weird stuff with no facial expressions to play some football and kick someone in the head, leaving spectators to question ‘that didn’t seem so wicked awesome?’
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Tottenham manager Harry Redknapp has been left on ‘like’ mode again at the worst possible time, as the White Hart Lane boss struggled to field questions about just who he’d fancy in the January transfer window. Assistant Joe Jordan has called in the engineer as the England head coach in waiting continues to hug journalists and smile politely at strangers.
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Fans were left wondering as to why they haven’t been able to laugh at Tottenham’s hilarious balls up last night, after the north London side continued to be awesome. Gareth Bale’s two goals against Norwich left Spurs as serious title contenders with many on-lookers questioning ‘what’s the deal here?’.
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Tottenham Hotspur stewards have been criticised for spotting problems and dealing with them efficiently. The team use video technology to identify potentially dangerous situations and stop them, a move which is being branded as ‘a breach of privacy’ by a group of protesters made up of people who spend much of their time trying to get onto reality television such as X Factor or ‘How to look good with your knob out.’
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Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has played down allegations that he has a fist, after several Shamrock Rovers supporters were left upset at supposedly seeing his fist being all clenchy. The Spurs chief could face UEFA punishment if found guilty of being all clenchy with his fist, which strictly contradicts their policy of no fist clenchyness.
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‘Chris Hoy is undoubtedly a k***head, didn’t you see him in that advert and stuff?’ was the message coming out of White Hart Lane last night after a case of mistaken identity led fans to pile abuse at the Olympic cyclist. Furious fans, angry at a referee Chris Foy’s ability to see the right decision took to the web only to make completely the wrong decision and call Hoy a total b***end.
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Anybody know who he is?
Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp has denied allegations that he’d like to shove a custard pie in the face of the Europa League before tying a brick to it’s ankles and throwing it over a bridge. The Spurs manager claimed he was delighted to be traveling all the way over to Greece instead of sitting on the sofa in his underpants with a beer adding ‘Thursday’s normally a quiet tele night anyway.’
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