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Argentinian striker Carlos Tevez has finally apologised for Manchester City following his refusal to come on in the Champions League, and now says he is willing to forgive them as long as he can join in kick abouts with them once more. The former Manchester United forward ended his exile by saying ’seriously, I quite fancy a kick about today.’
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Returning Manchester City forward Carlos Tevez has claimed Roberto Mancini treated him like a really, really rich dog during their spat which saw the Argentine flea to his country and play really difficult golf courses for four months. The former Manchester United striker claimed that for all the mansions, the signing on fees and the luxury surroundings provided, being told to ‘f***ing warm up’ was a step too far.
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Dreamweaver Carlos Tevez is to create a club made out of candy and willing to pay his £200,000 a week wage demands after it emerged that no real club were total idiots. Tevez and his imaginary friend Kia Joorabchian are to design a team logo and shoot Tevez kissing the badge on his official website tevezisatotaltool.com.
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Advice man
A man who has left his two, top clients either not playing or managing QPR is still being classed an ‘adviser’ according to some national newspapers. The typo told how Kia Joorabchian was heading to Paris to ‘advise’ Carlos Tevez on a move to PSG, a name earlier thought to be a strain of bird flu by the Manchester City striker.
Manchester City executives were last night calling Carlos Tevez to say ‘hahahahahahahaha’ as negotiations came to a close with AC Milan. The want away striker was told in no uncertain terms that he now had a choice between trying something else for a profession or, worst case scenario playing for QPR.
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Former Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez has been found in a disused sewage pipe playing keepy uppies and colouring in a picture of Kia Joorabchian. The Argentinian forward once again made no appearance at training on Monday and the global search for his whereabouts concluded late last night when he misplaced his ball and had to retrieve it from the nearby road.
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A book based around the whereabouts of Carlos Tevez is set to be published for the first time this Christmas as retailers look to cash in on the mysterious locations of the Manchester City forward. The publication will feature 20 different crowded venues including street markets in Brazil, a bustling airport in Milan and a casino in Monte Carlo and the reader will be invited to find the camouflaged Carlos in each and every location.’
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Carlos Tevez was still adamant he wishes to remain a tool last night, after pulling a disgruntled face and considering a lawsuit against Manchester City boss Roberto Mancini all because some guy with lots of money told him to do so. The Argentinian striker, who was fined four weeks wages by his club for refusing to play football will then continue his rampage of toolness by selling an exclusive to the Daily Mirror before joining a new club and kissing their badge lots.
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Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez is facing the tough prospect of another 8 weeks suspension on full pay after the club announced it would hold an inquiry into his refusal to play in the Champions League against Bayern Munich. The Argentinian will now have to cope with the thought of lying on a sun lounger, sipping a cocktail and maybe playing some golf whilst his team mates head out to take on Wigan in the middle of English November.
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Manchester City striker Carlos Tevez was misinterpreted after his decision to not play against Bayern Munich, according to super villain Dr Kia Joorabchian of SPECTRE. Clutching a cat and laughing mischievously from his underground lair Joorabchian claimed the translator has been ‘dealt with’ by his trusted Korean henchman and that the whole thing is just one big misunderstanding.
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