Kean ‘constantly high on mushrooms’

On December 21, 2011, in News, by editor

Under siege Blackburn boss Steve Kean has revealed his secret to staying constantly positive revolves around a tremendous quantity of magic mushrooms. The Rovers manager claimed he was too busy fighting off inflatable gremlins to notice another home defeat on Tuesday evening.

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Your glorious leader

National Address

With every hair on my flourishing head I believe we can beat Bolton tonight. Our closest title chasing enemies Wanderers will be no match for our fleet of midfield warriors. Their very name suggests they have no great discipline.

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Your glorious leader

National Address

Great people of your Democratic Republic of Steve Kean…It’s 3am and I am f***ing pissed!!! I just tied your all commanding Yakubu to a lamp post and I’m now urinating on the front garden of a lesser mortal than myself.

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Your glorious leader

National Address

Great people of the Democratic People’s Republic of Steve Kean. I return from the war torn city of Stoke with a bucket full of fine Venky’s chicken under my right arm (or wing, ha! You all laugh now). Another glorious 5-0 victory was made all the more sweet by Manchester United’s failure to pick up a win at home to Newcastle United, not that it matters seeing as they were already 16 points behind our generous lead at the top. Another hat trick for your glorious centre forward Yakubu ensures it can’t be long before the Republic treat him to vastly spectacular statue outside home of the highest attendances in the Premier League.

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