Balotelli a dick again for now

On January 23, 2012, in News, by editor

Mario Balotelli is a dick again, until he does something awesome like take a piss in a school canteen reports have revealed. The headline making Manchester City forward took time away from his busy schedule of wandering round Manchester doing weird stuff with no facial expressions to play some football and kick someone in the head, leaving spectators to question ‘that didn’t seem so wicked awesome?’

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Manchester City face daunting prospect of Channel 5

On November 23, 2011, in News, by editor

Manchester City were facing the daunting prospect of Channel 5 last night, whilst the TV broadcaster smiled excitedly and ushered the North West club into their bosom. A 2-1 defeat against Napoli means a 3rd place finish in the Champions League is almost certain and City star Mario Balotelli admitted it was time to get to grips with looking a bit blurry and getting judged by Graham Taylor.

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Manchester City hero Mario Balotelli is to front the most reckless firework safety campaign in the history of the British safety council, after agreeing to star in an ad which sees the Italian using sparklers as a television remote in his home. With the strapline ‘just do whatever the f*** you want, okay?’ the advert has been heavily criticised for a ‘laid back’ approach to bonfire safety.

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Mario Balotelli’s thoughts on…

On October 23, 2011, in Uncategorized, by editor

In somewhat of a triumph for the DA, we now have a new feature looking at entertainment guru Mario Balotelli’s thoughts on life.

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Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli is to be investigated by anti-mafia officers after the Italian forward was found to leave a horse head in Roberto Mancini’s bedroom and warned fellow forward Carlos Tevez that if he was not careful he’d end up ’sleeping with the fishes.’ Balotelli is also likely to be questioned on his extensive purchasing of cotton wool buds and slack braces.

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Caption Mancini

On August 7, 2011, in The Sunday Round up, by editor



The DA breaks down the real meanings in Man City’s Pre Communuty Shield ramblings:

“They are a strong team, they won the Barclays Premier League and have bought four or five good players.”
Actual translation: “They may have won the Premier League but they’ve only bought 4 or 5 players. I buy 4 or 5 players for breakfast.”

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Manchester City dick Mario Balotelli has confirmed that despite a summer of rest, he still intends to continue his streak of being a dick long into the 2011-12 Premier League season. The player was substituted this weekend after trying what can only be described as a ‘piece of crap’ in front of goal whilst taking on LA Galaxy in a pre-season friendly. Instant replays showed Roberto Mancini uttering the phrase ‘**&$$! you &&+”$$**** what a &&%$$*** waste of &&^%**** money.’

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