Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has used ‘Precog’ technology, as seen in the Hollywood movie Minority report, to fire new manager Rafa Benitez after the former Liverpool boss look set to lose his opening match against Birmingham City. The Precog was seen to leap up in shock screaming ‘Nooo, not Marlon King!’ before swaying from side to side and repeating the word ‘fact’.
Abramovich claimed ‘on this basis we’ve had to fire Mr Benitez before we’ve even signed him. But fear not Chelsea fans, he assured me his invisible friend Steve had him tied down to a £15 million pound contract so I of course bought him out of that first. I’ll also give him another £4 million or so just to go away. Oh, and incidentally your season tickets might be going up a bit.’
Using the Precog technology Chelsea predict they could go through 10 managers in just one year, without anything actually happening. A Chelsea spokesman added ‘that’s all fine and good until the Precog doesn’t make the Champions Leauge. Or John Terry doesn’t like them. Then we’ll be back to the drawing board.’