Caretaker England manager Stuart Pearce is set to throw Holland a curve ball ahead of this evening’s friendly by announcing the charismatic Mr Motivator as England team captain. Motivator qualifies for English citizenship having spent much of his life in the UK and having never represented his native Jamaica at international level.
On his appointment Pearce said ‘Moti has this knack of getting you up for stuff. It’s always like ‘oh go on, just one more game of FIFA, pleaaaaase’ and I’m always like ‘yeah, why not?’ He just has the ability to get you going. That’s what we need in this camp, something who dresses horrifically but inspires others.’
The FA have yet to confirm Motivator’s announcement citing an air of mystery as a magical formula of intrigue. A spokesman claimed ‘please don’t mistake this for not having a clue what we’re doing…we’re simply trying to make a meaningless and pointless friendly interesting. Thank heavens Mr M doesn’t play for Man Utd. He’d already be out of the squad with a tweaked earlobe tonight.’