Chelsea have played down sightings of Roman Abramovich bringing a sniper to training and watching intently on a nearby hill after reporters suggested it may be a bad sign. A club spokesman maintained that Abramovich was merely taking interest in his club and had in no way targeted Fernando Torres with a sniper gun ‘more than a few times.’

The spokesman told press ‘Roman likes to come down, sit on a hill with a sniper and watch the action unfold, we all have hobbies. Yes, he may have been dressed in camouflage, yes, he may have been shouting out Russian obscenities whilst throwing out hand grenades left, right and centre. Does that give us anything to worry about? Almost certainly not.’

Abramovich who is thought to have spent over £1billion of his fortune on Chelsea, is reportedly furious that no oil has sprung from Stamford Bridge yet and is on the brink of calling it a day. Chelsea boss Andre Villas-Boas said ‘he’s asked me to come on a boat trip with him to the middle of the ocean to talk about ‘our’ future. I can’t wait!’

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