The DA

England manager Fabio Capello is preparing to kick FA Chairman David Bernstein in the nuts for one last shot at his big money payoff. The Italian, who has so far tried a combination of total incompetence and outright hypocrisy to see his contract terminated is now going back to basics and plans to pelt Bernstein right where it hurts to see if he can save any of his retirement fund.

Speaking to an Italian news channel the former Real Madrid boss claimed ‘I try the everything. When I picka the Darren Bent up front, I thought game over. But now Bernstein must take one in sack of balls. I hold P45 ready and book holiday villa in Caribbean. I hope it go very well.’

But a steadfast FA responded with a statement late last night saying ‘I don’t think Mr Capello has quite appreciated just how tight we actually are. He could run away with my wife and I’d still force him to sit on that touchline for the Euros. We all have to, so why shouldn’t he?’

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