On the ropes manager Arsene Wenger has been forced to give Arsenal’s trophy cabinet to the authorities after evidence of under nourishment and obvious neglect.
Officials claimed to have found over eight layers of dust on the cabinet who had been eating hair clippings from Emmanuel Petit as means to survive.
An Arsenal spokesman claimed ‘at least now no one can mock us for having an empty trophy cabinet. Now we simply don’t have one. We’ll probably put some shubbery in instead or something. Seems the perfect fit, bags of potential and, well you know the rest.’