“We don’t really get the whole window thing?” literates were saying last night, after the Premier League desperately tried to sit them down and explain the concept. Wordsmiths have failed to see the connection between a bunch of money hungry agents flogging their client to QPR, featuring overlapping commentary from Bryan Swanson and a piece of space on a wall with glass in it.

A leading novel writer and poet claimed ‘I understand that through a window objects can come in, but that can be said of a door too, and let’s be honest a footballer is more likely to enter via a door. Why don’t they call it the transfer door? Or to save all debate the player entrance?’

He continued ‘it’s effectively a month in January where some teams try and get rid of shit and others seem reasonably happy to take the shit in. If anything, it sounds like a car boot sale, but with agents representing the old DVD’s and toys. Which only seems to add to the hassle of buying old shit?’

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