Your glorious leader

National Address

With every hair on my flourishing head I believe we can beat Bolton tonight. Our closest title chasing enemies Wanderers will be no match for our fleet of midfield warriors. Their very name suggests they have no great discipline.

Come in your masses again tonight Rovers fans and chant your heroic leader’s name once more ‘Kean! Kean! Kean!’ Our success so far has been gained through great courage and character and although Scott Dann has done some kind of horrific thing with his soldier making testicle, we will live on with our endless supply of well trained centre backs.

All I can say is to be a Rover is to be a hero, and we never fail…Never. For those who watched the 85 minute match against West Brom we were superb and then after that nothing happened and we all went home to celebrate. It will be the same tonight my glorious inferiors. Bring your best party faces, you’re going to need them.

Bolton will be crushed!!!!

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