The DA: About Us | Subscribe
From The Offside: UEFA Champions League | Premier League | La Liga | Champions League Tickets | Noticias de Futbol
From World Cup Blog: Euro 2012 Qualifying | 2012 Africa Cup of Nations Qualifying | USA Soccer
Chelsea goal avoider Fernando Torres is to dress up like Ashley Cole’s new wife, in the hope that nobody asks him to play football anymore. Francesca Torres-Cole will be in the stands for the weekend game at Newcastle United and has promised to talk about Versace, pout her lips and gossip about Cole’s genitals to the Daily Star. The move comes after the £50 million man finally realised that aiming a ball in a straight direction is simply not possible with modern day physics.
Continue reading »
Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini has questioned how it is possible for two completely different sets of players to cope with the pressure and fatigue of watching a game on Sunday evening before playing a game on Tuesday. The City boss claims the sheer magnitude of a 3 hour journey on a luxury bus full of entertainment and relaxation facilities is enough to tire a man for a good 6 months.
Continue reading »
When you’re lost for words, finding the right ones seems almost impossible.
Regardless of what’s happened, today is not a day for writing about football.
RIP
Your glorious leader
National Address
Great people of the Democratic People’s Republic of Steve Kean. I return from the war torn city of Stoke with a bucket full of fine Venky’s chicken under my right arm (or wing, ha! You all laugh now). Another glorious 5-0 victory was made all the more sweet by Manchester United’s failure to pick up a win at home to Newcastle United, not that it matters seeing as they were already 16 points behind our generous lead at the top. Another hat trick for your glorious centre forward Yakubu ensures it can’t be long before the Republic treat him to vastly spectacular statue outside home of the highest attendances in the Premier League.
Continue reading »
Battersea Power Station could be the new home of overly pretentious sandwiches it’s been revealed. The plans would also see waiter service, overpriced tickets and dubious Thai massages make a move to the former power station under specs drawn up by some corporate hospitality specialists.
Continue reading »
Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has been left home alone after his family flew to France for a holiday and forgot about him, it’s been revealed. The former Porto boss is currently speaking to old, homeless men at churches for life advice and putting on far too much aftershave as he fights to stop Roman Abramovich entering his house with a P45.
Continue reading »
Manchester City were facing the daunting prospect of Channel 5 last night, whilst the TV broadcaster smiled excitedly and ushered the North West club into their bosom. A 2-1 defeat against Napoli means a 3rd place finish in the Champions League is almost certain and City star Mario Balotelli admitted it was time to get to grips with looking a bit blurry and getting judged by Graham Taylor.
Continue reading »
Continue reading »
Arsene Wenger has insisted that he won’t be leaving Arsenal for many thousands of eternities yet, after claiming to be misquoted in a French newspaper when questioned on his future. The Emirates boss reportedly said he’d consider his position at the end of the year but the Frenchman insists that not even an alien attack or a zombie apocalypse would stop him blaming a referee in front of a camera.
Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas was sitting precariously above the electrified piranha tank last night, clutching his chair and explaining to Dr Abramovich why his incompetence shouldn’t cost him his head. The former up and coming, £15 million rated manager, who has obviously turned s*** over night, was pleading that henchman John Terry and Didier Drogba hadn’t played to his desired 5-4-1, thus costing the evil corporation hundreds of millions of dollars.
Continue reading »