The DA

Some of England’s youngest stars proved to the world they were ready to step up to the senior, gut wrenching disappointment stage last night after haplessly falling to a 2-1 defeat against the Czech Republic in the dying minutes of their final group stage game. England were sent home after a tournament which promised so much failed to produce a single victory and manager Stuart Pearce believes he could already identify some players who are destined to miss in crucial penalty shootouts down the line.

He told the press ‘you looked out there tonight and you could see eleven boys who are ready to take the baton and prove ultimately shy of heroes. The same level of bewilderment and short wetting was there for everybody to see and it’s bodes well for this country’s future of cheap documentaries exploring why we never win a World Cup. People talk about bottle and tonight we proved we can bottle it like the best of them.’

England boss and esteemed sock puppet Fabio Capello will now analysis this summer’s tournament to decide who is ready to help the senior side in their Euro 2012 bid to conjure up as many excuses as possible. He told an Italian radio station ‘I hopa we no qualify, so we sun on holiday beds. But ifa we do, we needa the first round knockout. I no holiday in Poland.’

Related posts:

• Vauxhall to stage most pointless tournament ever in bid to flog you a Corsa
• Toll bridge ready to be destroyed, just incase
• ‘Benitez kept calling Sneijder a poor man’s Dirk Kuyt’ says Moratti
• Footballers to stage protest after discovering they may actually need to pay some tax
• Ferguson forced to explain most obvious sentence ever