The DA

Former Newcastle United number nine Alan Shearer has said talks about becoming Cardiff City’s new manager have stalled, after the Match of the Day pundit found out that managing a football team did not involve repeating the same five lines week in week out and laughing at Alan Hansen jokes. Shearer was said to be in talks with the Welsh Championship side but was disappointed at interview stage when his top line of ‘that’s the sign of champions, grinding out results’ failed to impress.

It’s thought the former Premier League title winner inquired how many of his own makeup team he could bring in before asking for somewhere to put a lighting rig whilst he was giving team talks. He told a BBC press officer ‘they said I would be responsible if we lost games and stuff. That’s no fun is it? It’s much more relaxing to take in a few beers, wait for Hansen to tear a defence apart and then nod my head with that ‘I know exactly what you’re saying’ look I do.’

Shearer refused to rule out a management role in the future but did add ‘if I am to take a job, I want a swirly chair, and somewhere built on the training ground where Mark Lawrenson can grow old without disturbing too many people. There’s not that many jobs I’d consider I guess, but the MOTD team are talking about starting a five a side team. Maybe I could buy them kits and say my other gem of a line ‘it doesn’t have to be pretty as long as you get the job done.’

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