The DA

The DA continues with the alternative review of the football year

February

- Lawn mower injury causes Wembley headaches:

Wembley play down pitch issues after lawnmower ruptures Achilles cutting grass

Ground staff at Wembley Stadium have played down fears that this Sunday’s showpiece final may be disrupted by the poor playing surface again, after a lawnmower broke down in the 5th minute of grass cutting with a ruptured Achilles. Sir Alex Ferguson famously blamed the pitch last year for knocking out one of the Jenga blocks shaping Michael Owen’s leg, and following the mowing incident concerns were mounting that the same issues could affect this year’s Carling Cup Final. Read More

- Channel 5 hatched a new plan to increase viewing figures:

Channel 5 to show archive footage of good Liverpool games during Europa League coverage

Broadcasting outcast Channel 5 have made the decision to replace live Liverpool matches on a Thursday evening with archive footage of the former European champions playing well in the 80s, a spokesman confirmed last night. Ofcom received 450 complaints of utter, pull your eyes out boredom following the Anfield side’s 1-0 win over Sparta Prague yesterday and channel schedulers believe watching Graeme Souness run around with a giant bouffant may defuse viewer unrest. Read More

- And Arsenal made it 6 in a row:

Arsenal pick up Oscar for remake of French film classic ‘Le Fluffers’

Arsenal Football club secured the Academy Award for best picture last night after their remake of the classic 1930’s comedy drama Le Fluffers swept away the critics. The story, a dark and harrowing tale of eleven young men’s never-ending journey to absolutely nowhere, fought off fierce competition to land the accolade whilst director Arsene Wenger also won best animation for his wild gestures towards goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny and best soundtrack went to the two second silence around Wembley when everybody realised exactly what had just happened. Read More

March
- Torres gets off the mark…technically:

Torres finally ends goal drought in ‘really realistic’ daydream

Chelsea striker Fernando Torres finally got off the mark again yesterday, in a really believable dream which saw him take on a Brazil XI including Pele, Zico and some guy who apparently looked a bit like a shaven version of Jesus. The Spaniard claimed to have not scored in 10 consecutive dreams but was beautifully played in by a giant, fluffy image of his childhood rabbit ‘Bugs’ to slot past a helpless Princess Leia before making out with all the Brazilian cheerleaders near the corner flag. Read More

- Arsenal wave the white flag:

‘Yeah, we’re not going to bother with that one again’ say Arsenal

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger last night told UEFA that Barcelona can just have a bye should they ever draw the Gunners again in the Champions League, claiming there is no point in the London club forking out money on all those planes tickets if they’re not even allowed to touch the ball. The La Liga side became so bored of their own dominance during yesterday’s match, that they actually started playing against themselves just to see what it felt like for another team to score past them. Read More

- And Manchester United beat the devil himself:

Manchester United worse than Michael O’Leary s*** survey reveals

In what’s being dubbed the most ridiculous survey to ever be concocted out of a bored journalist’s rectum, Manchester United have scored the number one most hated company in Britain, beating the likes of British Gas, who turn old ladies heating off if they haven’t paid their monthly bill, and Ryanair, who would genuinely make you pay for the privilege of both using the toilet and then flushing it if they had legal backing. Read More

Tomorrow – April and May

Related posts:

• The 2010-11 Season Review – Oct to Nov
• The 2010-11 Season Review – Dec to Jan
• The 2010-11 Season Review – Aug to Sept
• Review of the year 2010
• ‘Our season starts next season’ says Benitez