Manchester City defender Kolo Toure has been banned from playing in the past the FA can confirm, after sentencing the player for his failed drugs test earlier this year. The Ivory Coast international will be unable to play in all those games he’s already played in during both 2009 and 2010 leaving Roberto Mancini with a big selection headache ahead of the games that have already come and gone this season.
Speaking to the press outside of the hearing an FA spokesman confirmed ‘we can today stress that Mr Kolo Toure is hereby unable to enter any kind of time travelling Delorean, deal with any kind of ‘Doc’ who claims to have time travelling capabilities or play FIFA versions 2009 through 11. Let it be known that players trying to gain an advantage using performance enhancing drugs will only be able to use their abilities in future scenarios, not historic, making the past a safe, fair environment for all of us.’
Lawyers representing the former Arsenal defender said ‘6 months? And so that includes May, June, July right? When pretty much nothing happens? Well that seems a little harsh. I don’t want to be the one to phone Kolo in the Caribbean and tell him the news. He’ll be crushed that he only gets to play football again when everybody else does. He was so keen to play that friendly at Northampton Town as well.’