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Richard Cutcher delves into the football video doing the Internet rounds this week.
Don’t try and tell me footballers are just in it for the money… unless they’re auctioning these shirts on Ebay of course…
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Liverpool Football Club have announced they are in the latter stages of negotiations with local knit work company Anne Field Ltd, with regards to naming rights for their proposed new stadium. The Premier League side have been exploring the idea of selling rights to the new stadium for some time and it’s thought Anne Field would be the ideal sponsor, despite also receiving interest from site maintenance company Good & Sons Parks.
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England supporters leaving Wembley stadium last night were anxiously tracking their family history to see if they might be able to join in with smashing a massive drum and partake in some ‘dad at wedding’ dancing. 20,000 Ghanaian supporters lit up the international friendly in London, which resulted in a 1-1 draw, but home fans were left to ponder how fun it’d be to celebrate an Asamoah Gyan last minute equaliser for a good 2 hours.
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In what’s being dubbed the most ridiculous survey to ever be concocted out of a bored journalist’s rectum, Manchester United have scored the number one most hated company in Britain, beating the likes of British Gas, who turn old ladies heating off if they haven’t paid their monthly bill, and Ryanair, who would genuinely make you pay for the privilege of both using the toilet and then flushing it if they had legal backing.
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Andrew Allen is deputy editor at sport.co.uk
International fortnight. Two words which send shudders down the back of a football writer. You spot the thing in the calendar weeks in advance but somehow never quite prepare yourself for how mind-numbingly tedious and painful it is. It’s like a two week stint in the dentist’s chair (unfortunately not the version made famous by Gazza) where day-by-day teeth are brazenly extracted from your mouth with pliers…but without anaesthetic.
While you might think we hacks would be glad for a few days respite in the middle of the season – a kind of winter break to prevent repetitive strain syndrome in the fingers – you’d be wrong. Very, very wrong.
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Residents of the UK have been advised to check their letter boxes today, on the off chance you may have been drafted into the England squad to face Ghana this week. In yet another move to prove the complete pointlessness of international friendlies Fabio Capello has sent the majority of his side home and instead decided to rely on a Golden ticket system to call up any remaining squad fillers.
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The DA breaks down the real meanings in England manager Fabio Capello’s press rantings:
“We played really well, we passed the ball quickly and created chances to score goals with no chances for Wales,”
Actual translation - “Wales were s***”
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Security forces have moved to lay cartoon style TNT on the Welsh/English toll bridge, on the off chance that England do something so unbearable we’ll never live it down. Fabio Capello’s side are expected to overcome a Wales side rocking from the news that Gareth Bale is not fit to play, but Prime Minister David Cameron said it was essential the country took precautionary steps on the off chance they sneak a 1-0 then gloat about it forever.
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The world’s most assured man Nicklas Bendtner has admitted he has been waking up in cold sweats, after discovering he is not a superhero sent from another planet with a mission to score lots of goals against Leyton Orient. The Dane picked up an injury during training yesterday which could rule him out of Arsenal’s title run in and with the knock being the second this season Bendtner confessed that even his excuse of Kryptonite laden grass was probably a long shot.
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Sepp Blatter has announced plans to continue playing Sensible Soccer on his Gameboy until 2015, should he be re-elected as FIFA president this year. The former Miss Switzerland (1987) has promised he should have enough bribe money to buy a small island by then and will happily step aside to let someone with a pulse have a turn. He maintained he would continue to fight the fight against Skynet’s evil goal line technology robots.
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