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The DA continues the Mitre Football cities united tour
I’m bound to be in trouble over the next few weeks. One of the major obstacles in finding the best footballing city all on one glorious Saturday afternoon per location, is that some cities are obviously quite well known for being divided by footballing loyalties. As a tourist for the day unfortunately I have to pick one or the other which of course will lead to one side calling this entire tour a crock of s***…Hopefully just one side anyway… But my two defences would be A) as a neutral it’s not so much about the sides and their history, but about the atmosphere of the city and how enjoyable a day watching the football can be for the casual visitor and B) in this case, I own more blue clothes than red. Hence why Everton represented my trip to Liverpool, and why, before I have to explain myself all over, Manchester City will be the representatives next week. If it makes anyone feel any better about the situation, I feel simply horrible, and if anyone ever wants to give me a free ticket to Anfield – or perhaps a new red jumper, I’ll be more than happy to compare.
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A man who has spent over sixty years living under an enormous rock in his back garden, has told reporters he was absolutely gobsmacked to learn that powerful men supposedly take bribes and that Barcelona are apparently a very, very good football team. Luvagood Crag, a former landscaper from North Wiltshire, told gathering journalists he’d just stepped out of his rock face to empty the bedpan only to spot the television ‘in colour!’ blaring out in the living room.
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The English nation is today telling everyone to look at something else, far more interesting and intriguing than BBC 1 at 20:30 this evening, with David Beckham last seen heading towards the National Grid holding a pair of pliers. The broadcaster have refused to back down in airing a damning piece on governing body FIFA just days before the World Cup announcement and members of the bidding team are suggesting there’s only so much a*** licking they can do in one day.
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Continuing our season of the best video clips we’ve seen throughout the year.
I’m Becky Taylor, I own 432 pairs of shoes, I’ve watched the Sex and the City box set 27 times, and I used to think that red wine meant it was off. I’m determined to disprove a stereotype so here are my knowledgeable Premier cup predictions for this weekend (I’m the living the dream SJP!)
Hey lovelies,
Another big week of Premiership Cup action on the cards and yours truly is back to guide you through this weekend’s predictions. I’ve been following closely both the World Cup bid and the Scottish referee crisis this week and I have two key questions. 1) When do the phone lines open so we can start voting for England in the cup bid and 2) they play football in Scotland? I thought they just entertained themselves with those games in the kilts? (You know, like the guy on the front of that porridge packet…)
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The English World cup bid is to throw every cool, stereotypical, loveable or charming English person in the direction of Zurich as a last ditch attempt to win over voters ahead of the 2018 World Cup decision. Every celebrity ever from the 1970’s onwards, from A list to E list has been enrolled in the campaign and the FA are now appealing to anyone who has more than 30,000 Twitter followers, or someone who maintains a vintage English moustache and perhaps drives a red Double Decker bus.
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Everybody can love Wayne Rooney again it’s been revealed, after the £250,000 pound a week player had the ‘bottle’ to step up and take a penalty against some Sunday League footballers in a completely pointless game. Some sections of the Manchester United crowd had still been somewhat against the idea of the former Everton man taking home more money a week than they’ll earn in a lifetime but since the discovery that Rooney can score a goal against a really mediocre team without anyone trying to tackle him, normality has been restored.
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South Korea have maintained that their 2022 World Cup bid is still right on track, despite the advancement of 40,000 North Korean troops launching artillery shells at their border. A spokesman for ‘Korea 2022: Don’t mention the North’ believes spraying football hooligans with water cannons and mace will unite militaries and bring everyone together to ‘hate the way the Italians fall over like little girls all the time.’
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The DA continues the Mitre Football cities united tour
Due to an unfortunate lack of foresight on my behalf, I discovered early Monday morning that my next tour venue Norwich City had actually sold out of tickets for their weekend encounter against Leeds United. Somewhat shocked and bewildered by this I desperately tried to swing a favour with the club to sneak me in, but alas I was informed that literally every nook and cranny of Carrow Road would be full. I even offered my services as a ball boy but it turns out they weren’t hiring.
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The BBC has defended it’s decision to throw pie into the face of FIFA vice-president Jack Warner three days before the World Cup host announcement, claiming it to be in the best interest of the British public. Flagship television show Panorama is due to catch the government minister of Trinidad off guard and splat him right between the ears with fresh custard pie, in an attempt to boost falling Monday night ratings, but England’s World Cup bidding team claim the move could be ’somewhat counterproductive.’
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