The DA

Physicists studying the infamous Roberto Carlos freekick from 1997 have proven that they really have very little else to do and should probably become bankers or something. A team of experts opted against watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy on the lab’s projector screen for the eighth time to instead concentrate on a goal that hasn’t been mentioned for some time that no one ever really questioned anyway leaving many asking ‘is this seriously our biggest problem right now?’

Head of research Bord Shilly said ‘by using intelligent words like ‘trajectory’ and ‘velocity’ we’ve managed to prove that the guy whacked the ball pretty f***ing hard. It was no fluke, that’s for sure. We’ve watched it back again and again, from thousands of different angles and it appears he definitely approached the ball with the intention of whacking it pretty f***ing hard… Want to play some cards or something? We’ve got some beer in the lab fridge…’

The team now intend to spend millions of pounds proving that Frank Lampard’s goal against Germany did cross the line and that Rob Green’s howler against the USA was all down to a scientific theory known as ‘clumsy hands.’ Shilly added ‘The Rob Green one could be tricky. All kinds of things are likely to come into play. Gravity, wind force, the sight of Emile Heskey. You sure you don’t want to play cards man? Or maybe watch a bit of Lord of the Rings? We could even call in some hookers if you like?’

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