The DA

The FA have escaped having to finally make an actual judgement call after stealing FIFA’s governing rulebook and scribbling in some s*** about under 11 football. The heads of English football were fast approaching a time when they’d be asked whether it’d be OK for Englishman Mikel Arteta Amatriain (born Channel lslands, San Sebastián, Gipuzkoa, Spain) to represent the national side and reports suggested so much panic had been caused at FA headquarters that a chartered flight to Cuba had been prepared for the very top executives.

But rule 4.1-B East (para88) of the FIFA rulebook states ‘if the FA have to make a hard decision then no, too obvious..Um… A player can not cause the FA problems if they have represented their country of birth on a school playground, even if it was just a kick about, with jumpers for goalposts and stuff. OK?…Also Michel Platini smells hehehe. Right let’s get the f*** out of here. Ha I wrote that down Fabio, can you believe it?!‘

A spokesmen for the FA said ‘just so you know we would have made a really, really good decision. I can’t tell you what we would have done, but it would have been awesome. But unfortunately because of ruling 4.1-B East (para88) our decision has been made for us. We’re now just looking to see if there’s another rule which states we don’t have to pay a departing Italian manager £20 million in compensation if he wears glasses. It’s definitely in there somewhere, I’m sure of it wink wink.’

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