Governing body FIFA are investigating reports that Togo fielded a ‘fake’ team of internationals in a recent match against Bahrain, which included 6 of the famous 7 dwarfs, Noel Edmonds and a piece of string. Sleepy was recovering from a slight knock and did not travel with the Togo squad. The Bahrain head coach Josef Hickersberger said he first noticed something was wrong when Edmunds took a 25th minute phone call from a banker whilst the piece of string looked ‘very off the pace.’
‘We were winning 3-0 and I just thought to myself ‘hang on, we never win 3-0?! And their centre back just kept constantly sneezing. He said it was just bad hayfever but when their goalkeeper, that lad Bashful clattered into our centre forward to give away a reckless penalty, I knew something was amiss.’ The Togo FA claim to know absolutely nothing about the matchup and angrily stated that Bashful would only have made the bench had they been in charge of team selection.
England manager Fabio Capello is now considering launching an investigation into whether it was the real England team that played in the World Cup, or just a bunch of evil German supervillains dressed up in Scooby Doo like masks. The Italian told the FA ‘12 million a year? And I woulda gotta away with it if ita wasn’t for those pesky kids’.