The DA

The city of Manchester is at a standstill this morning as players from all over the world arrive at the Eastlands stadiums to have their medicals and leave with wheelbarrows full of money, an AA traffic report is warning. With the transfer window set to close this evening City manager Roberto Mancini said he is looking to add a few more names to the squad as ‘backup for the reserve’s, reserve team.’

The M6 is facing severe delays as every Aston Villa flocks up north whilst airports are full of agents just grabbing the next person they see and slapping £5million pound price tags on their head. Even Hermann Hreidarsson has been seen commuting up to the stadium telling journalists ‘Roberto’s told me I’ll never play, but there’s an assistant chef role in the canteen that I thought I would give a try. At least if nothing else I can say I was a Premier League winning chef right?’

In other last day news, the world awaits to see which colours Robbie Keane takes a liking to this year whilst others are beginning to start rumours that Manchester United may finally do something in the transfer market, other than providing shelter for homeless Portuguese youngsters. Sir Alex Ferguson told the gathering press ‘f*** off would you. And get that f***ing BBC van off my property before I go get the shotgun!’

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