Engineers at Loughbrough University have hit back at criticism of the new World Cup ball by insisting they have designed the most ‘consistently delicious tournament ball of all time.’ The Jabulani design has come under fire for being built entirely out of unwanted Easter Eggs left around by students on University campus but chief engineer Bob Balls said goalkeepers should have no problem catching, with the stickiness of Cream Egg filling giving them a huge advantage.

‘I don’t know what all the fuss is about’ said Balls, ‘players keep moaning about the ball bursting into small pieces mid flight, but if they look carefully enough we filled each ball with a small toy so I really can’t see the problem. FIFA wanted the most exciting tournament in years and Fernando Torres trying to build a little micro machine that goes from Cuddly lion to a fierce looking street racer in the six yard box is surely just that?’

Sepp Blatter has denied the ball is designed to help lower ranked footballing nations, such as hosts South Africa, by making it impossible for a good player to actually kick a ball. ‘Look, no one is going to be able to kick the thing. But this summer isn’t about football. It’s about lot’s of advertising space for Coca Cola, which gives me lots of money. Now just stare at Lionel Messi and applaud would you?’

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