The DA

As seen in ‘Hot Gossip!’ magazine Becky Taylor brings her insight to the DA

Its Cup of the World time and I’m determined to get involved, after all, it does only come round once every year. So I’m putting my DVD boxset of Sex and the City in the cupboard for the summer, swapping my cosmopolitan for half a pint, and watching the action in South Africa. I’m Becky Taylor, and this is my guide to Football…

Seriously guys, is this what you call entertainment? I’ve seen plays better than this. And not those passable ‘film into plays’ that they make (the Lion King is so cool!). I’m talking pretentious, student plays where everyone smears fake blood on their face and starts shouting weird things at the audience whilst a strobe light flashes on an off in the background. What exactly was Uruguay v France supposed to be? Forgive me if I’m sounding stupid but I thought the aim was to try and get the ball in the goal?! At no point did I see anyone trying to do this.

‘Maybe that was a one off Becky’ I thought to myself, in that cool kind of monologue way that Sarah Jessica Parker pulls off so well. But no. It turns out, absolutely no one wants to score a goal. Our net keeper Bob Green felt so sorry for the Americans that he let them score a pass. I was also slightly alarmed to see our blocker guy Jason Carragher being beaten for pace by countdown conundrum Jozy Azlteridore (and another vowel please Carol) who used to play for Hull United. Now I know nothing about football, but I know that being beaten by a Hull United player is not a good sign.

Talking of knowing nothing of football, The DA asked me if I wouldn’t mind giving my insight into potential World Cup winners now that we’ve seen almost everyone play (Spain aren’t that good anyway are they?). So I’ve devised the ‘Becky Taylor lack of knowledge performance chart’ or the LOKP chart in short. My own chart, how very exciting! The score is very scientific, based upon:

1) how quickly team players can run up and down the pitch
2) how well a net keeper can catch a football
3) how nice the kit is
4) who kicks the ball in the nicest way
5) who has the best legs

It’s like a 5 step guide to success, I learnt it from a diet once. Although, with this chart, eating chocolate is fine, so long as it doesn’t affect a players legs, or so long as the player doesn’t spill it down a nice kit. Anyway, so far the LOKP looks like this.

1) South Korea
2) Brazil
3) Argentina
4) Never-lands

Let me know what you think. I very nearly snuck in North Korea because that boy crying was sooo cute. But, they were a little bit rubbish so it would’ve been a quite unfair on Never-lands. What a weird name for a country btw, sounds really depressing doesn’t it?

Anywho, speak soon lovelies

Bxx

@dabeckytaylor

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