The DA

Rafa Benitez has crossed Monday off his list of good days, drawing ever closer to a full compliment of week days Liverpool are not very good at. So far, the Anfield club have sucked on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday leaving just the illusive Friday to collect.

‘Maybe Sky can sort something out’ said the Spaniard Benitez. ‘It seems a shame to suck on all of those others day and miss out on a full set just for the sheer misfortune that we can’t possibly feature on ‘League two live’ night. Perhaps we could arrange a friendly with Morecambe or something?’

Liverpool now look set to miss out on a Champions league place and are desperately clinging on to a Europa League spot, leaving the door firmly open for a clean sweep of playing horrendously badly in all competitions as well. Skipper Steven Gerrard said ‘hopefully we can add the Intertoto cup, or whatever the f*** they call it these days, to our collection too. There’s nothing I enjoy more than running round a Lithuanian field full of cow s*** in the middle of August playing for a 0-0.’

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