The DA

The Premier League have branded a 4th place playoff for the final Champions League spot ‘far too boring’ declaring that plans are already forming over ‘far more radical and completely ridiculous ideas designed to cripple the very concept of football.’ Suggestions have so far included a magical Golden ticket hidden in Premier League canteens, A 20 team Royal Rumble staged annually, or a partnership with the Sun newspaper which would see clubs collect enough tokens to qualify.

A spokesmen said ‘a playoff is so 90’s. The Football league have been doing it for years and it’s no where near crazy enough. We’re aiming for the mothership of all things ridiculous. So stupid and reckless that people will completely forget the drab, dull affair that is a football match.’

‘We’ve got a load of celebrities on board. Even Sting says he’s going help, providing he can ramble on about trees and stuff at our press conferences. We’ve actually ordered in a shit load of magic mushrooms from Amsterdam this weekend and the board intend to spend Friday night tripping out like mother f****s and seeing what we can come up with. It’s going to be great!’

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