The DA

Greater Manchester Police have released CCTV footage of potential troublemakers/cheap flare sellers ahead of this weeks Semi final between Manchester United and Manchester City. Officers are warning that ‘if you see these men in a daze, lying on the floor with blood dribbling down your nose you probably shouldn’t have yelled that “Carlos Tevez is a money grabbing b****d”‘.

New Superintendent Roy Keane said ‘I can’t believe they’ve given me a baton, let’s get this show on the f***** road!!’ The FA has promised to ban any trouble starting culprits from all future matches saying ‘there’s really only one way these thugs who don’t even come for the football will learn and that’s by banning them from coming to football. No, hold on, what did I just say again?’

Former United striker Tevez is likely to be choppered into the stadium under nine layers of bubble wrap and looks set to line up beside fifteen ex marines and a former Soviet tank. In response man marker Gary Neville said ‘he thinks that’ll be hard to defend against, let’s see how accurate his shooting is when I hold up this A3 print of me showering to his face.’

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