The DA

Leading medical experts have claimed that the biggest decision of your life should ‘never be between Bolton and Burnley’ and that manager Owen Coyle is damaging his ’self esteem almost hourly’ trying to make the call.

The former Bolton star has been locked in negotiations between the two clubs and has taken 24 hours to ponder the idea of taking a very long drive off a very short pier. Professor Klueless, from the University of London said ‘making this decision is on a phycological par with choosing between eating a rotting rat carcass that’s been left on the floor for over two weeks or a KFC. Neither outcome will do any good to the individual.’

‘Coyle is on his way, if he isn’t already there, to mental breakdown at this stage. He’ll be thinking to himself “where did it all go wrong?” and “why couldn’t I have just worked harder on that plumbing course all those years ago?” As an expert all I can say is if you ever find yourself in a similar position, run. Run as f***** fast as you can and never look back.’

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