The DA

East London was last night cursing and Muttering under it’s breath after it was revealed that David Suillivan and David Gold have never even been to the far east. Angry supporters were understandably upset when the former Birmingham owners were seen paying for dinner using twenty pound notes. Head of the official fan club Paolo Di Bubbles said ‘I have 20s in my wallet! They should be paying in helicopters, or gold bullion!’

Sullivan and Gold were officially announced as the new men in charge at West Ham this morning and have promised a transfer kitty ‘big enough to sign Des Walker on loan.’ Supporters have threatened to boycott matches unless the pair can prove they at least own a small country.

One disgruntled fan wrote on an Internet forum ‘what’s all this about balancing the clubs books?! I want to see reckless spending, like a 30million bid for Gareth Bale, or maybe a big screen, Hollywood remake of Eastenders just for pre-match entertainment! Someone get these guys a f***ing oil rig!’

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