The DA

The DA’s Dan Green continues his journey of discovery, mystery and away trips to Barnsley.

Now, I remember mentioning last week, in anticipation of the weekend’s FA Cup tie against West Brom, that it may not be in the best interest of Newcastle United to prolong their cup run given the recent good form of Nottingham Forest and how crucial promotion this season is the Magpies. Therefore, imagine my surprise when I was relayed the final score – West Brom 4 Newcastle 2. I won’t pretend it wasn’t painful at the time, evoking all too harrowing memories of a 3rd Round, 2nd Leg 1-5 home defeat to (at the time) the Championship’s Birmingham City. The sublime performance of my new favourite player Graham Dorrans (who scored twice) was of little comfort. Newcastle fans can be forgiven for their feelings of dissatisfaction. These can be summed up by the thoughts of the fabulously named ‘Shola Ama-donkey’ who claimed that, “this defeat will smash the squad’s morale.”

However, having had a few days to mull over the defeat, and examining the two team’s opposing fortunes in the following round of league games, you’d be hard-pressed to criticise Hughton. Firstly, the Newcastle squad that faced off against the Baggies on Saturday was actually ‘pretty…pretty…pretty good’: Hughton made five changes from the previous 2-2 league draw against WBA, but the players brought in were hardly ‘nobodies’ – Tim Krul, Ryan Taylor, Tamas Kadar, Fabrice Pancrate and Andy Carroll came into a squad already brimming with talent, but did give first team starters like Steven Taylor and Steve Harper a valuable rest.

West Brom on the other hand remained unchanged from last Monday’s game. Now, if WBA win the FA Cup, this choice may have been justified. As it stands however, Tuesday’s highly fortunate draw with Ipswich has left the Baggies 5 points behind 2nd place Nottingham Forest. Add to that the fact that Newcastle came out of last night’s game against Crystal Palace with all three points, two goals and a clean sheet (that now puts them 8 points ahead of West Brom), and the Toon Army’s promotion campaign looks all the more likely to succeed. The Baggies, however, now have the unenviable task of catching up with the rampant Forest and hoping none of the chasing pack (Cardiff, Swansea, Sheffield Utd etc.) pull their collective ‘fingers out.’ Adrian Chiles must be bricking it!

As the transfer window comes to an uninteresting end, Newcastle have finally flexed their financial muscles by bringing in such exotic players as Wayne Routledge from QPR (who finished his first game with an assist) and Mike Williamson (?) from the sinking ship that is Portsmouth. A more recognizable face put pen to Geordie paper, with Danny Simpson finally ending his futile Manchester United career and settling for second best (or 19th best if you’re going by league places between the two clubs). So, all in all, a fairly unspectacular transfer window: No Beckfords, no Wilsheres, no Asprillas (if only). Even worse was the news that Newcastle legend Nolberto Solano had signed for Leicester. Just think of the inevitable boost to Leicester City shirt sales in Peru – they may even sell 2 this year!

Peruvian president and newly-converted Leicester City fan Alan Garcia announces the introduction of ‘Gary Lineker Day’ – where all Peruvians are expected to spend the day eating crisps and taunting Scotsmen.

Well the, normal service is resumed and Newcastle are seemingly back to winning ways, just in time for what looks to be a fairly tough run of games as the Championship race begins to hot up. Tough away games at Leicester, Derby and Swansea all await the Magpies in the coming weeks, and without another striking option Newcastle could be in danger of becoming somewhat predictable. So, what say we get on the phone and get Eidur Gudjohnson in for a medical? Three medicals at three different clubs in a week must be some kind of record…

You can get in touch with Dan on the DA’s new Twitter page @matchoftheda. This week Dan wants to know the perfect word to describe Newcastle United….Sunderland fans try and restrain yourselves.

The DA’s Dan Green continues his journey of discovery, mystery and away trips to Barnsley.

What a game – Newcastle 2 West Bromwich Albion 2! It had everything: Goals, controversy, and Ishmael Miller (deliciously sending-up fellow ‘camel’ Shola Ameobi by somehow failing to tap the ball into an empty net, seemingly preferring the post instead). Some of the players present on the night truly showed their potential Premiership quality (Steve Harper, in goal for Newcastle United; WBA’s highly impressive Graham Dorrans), whilst others showed that they would perhaps be more at home warming the bench at Yeovil Town or Carlisle United (that man Miller, once again). A special mention must go out to Dorrans who finished the evening with two assists and the smugness-inducing, self-satisfying knowledge that he had been far and away the most dangerous, skillful and creative player on the pitch (if not in the league…sorry Mr. Nolan, but you are the ‘Beast’ to Dorrans’ ‘Beauty’). WBA will almost certainly be able to hold off any advancing Premiership suitors looking to catch Dorrans’ eye over January. However, with Jermaine Beckford supposedly on his way to Everton in the summer, who’s to say Graham won’t find himself sat next to Victor Moses on a train to Manchester on a bright and sunny July morning.

I’m aware that this week’s Frown Tale is quickly becoming somewhat of a Graham Dorrans ‘Love-In’ (seriously Mr. Hughton, sign him up!), so let’s turn our attention to the main performers (and Miller-wannabes) in the Newcastle camp. Firstly, on a seriousness note, I’d like to congratulate Peter Lovenkrands on his fantastic display of loyalty to Newcastle United and its fans, flying back from Denmark (where he had been mourning the passing of his late Father) early to compete in the West Brom game, scoring the goal that secured a hard-earned point against an extremely dangerous, attack-minded team. Well done Peter! Other heroes of the night included Danny Guthrie, scoring an exquisite free-kick to make it 1-1, and Shola Ameobi for making me laugh out loud in the pub every time he tried to get a penalty or free kick by throwing himself to the ground sporadically like a crazed narcolepsy sufferer. Bravo Sir, Bravo…

In other NUFC news, glorified loan-sharks Northern Rock confirmed that they had agreed a new deal as Newcastle United sponsors for the next four years or, alternatively, next week depending on how the calamitous bank’s finances stand at that point. What’s wrong with having a good, honest brand sponsoring the team like….i don’t know…Kraft? They must have a bit of cash?!

Fans flock to the new club shop to buy the latest replica homeowner loan

Also, at the beginning of the week it was reported that Newcastle had made advances towards signing Arsenal starlet Jack Wilshere on load for the remainder of the season. Would it be a good move for the North-East club? – Almost certainly YES: Wilshere is just the type of skillful, young and creative midfielder we have been crying out for since…err…Rob Lee? Will the deal go ahead? Almost certainly Y…NO! Mr. Wenger has already stated that he would only loan the player to a club of Premiership standing, and as we’re currently playing in the same league as Plymouth Argyle, I’m guessing that would rule us out….Hull City it is then (*sigh*).

The next opposition quaking in their shiny boots before the mighty Newcastle United ‘juggernaut’ are to be *drum-roll*…TA DAAA – West Bromwich Albion. Huh, I’m sure I’ve said that one before. Oh well. Uh, what to say…err that Graham Dorrans is good isn’t he? Yep, the Baggies have once again ‘boinged’ themselves into the fixture list, this time in the FA Cup. Now, I’m not saying we should throw the game, but an early exit from the FA Cup certainly wouldn’t harm the chances of us gaining automatic promotion back to the top tier of English Football. The fewer competitions you are in, the more you can focus on your respective, ‘all important’ league position – Rafa Benitez knew it, and now YOU know it. So, don’t be surprised if Hughton goes for FA Cup ‘self-destruction’ and fields as many of the Ameobi family as humanly possible. Samuel Ameobi is already at Newcastle, whilst Tomi Ameobi could easily be snapped up from the giants that are Forest Green Rovers before Saturday’s game. Hell, even Grandma Ameobi has reportedly shown an interest in joining the club for the clash. However, Arsene Wenger is thought to be contemplating an 11th hour raid for the pensioner, stating that the signing the 86 year -old would give Sol Campbell someone to knit with on the Gunner’s bench.

Are you sh*t at football? Would you like to play dreadfully against the Baggies in the FA Cup? To apply, simply Tweet your best, most illustrative description of yourself as a player… E.g. “I ‘m Jeff from Wrexham and I’m reminiscent of a catatonic Cattermole” to the DA’s Twitter site @matchoftheda.

The winner will have his/her Tweet posted in next week’s Frown Tale – Best of Luck!

Are you a squad-filler like Miller? If so, let us know how completely average you are at @matchoftheda and you could be in the next Frown Tale (and possibly the next Newcastle Squad!)