The DA

ASTON VILLA V BOLTON

SCORE 3-0

MOST LIKELY – It was very kind of Martin O Neil to let everyone’s favorite tiny Italian sneak a win this week, possibly saving his job, but let’s face it, no one would do the same for Gary Megson. Still, Megson has had a break through with team selection this week when he realised in front of the national press that Bolton ‘are not Chelsea.’ Knowing who you manage is always the first sign of a great manager…managing Ricardo Gardener however is the pivotal sign you’re a c*** one.

BLACKBURN V PORTSMOUTH

SCORE 2-2

MOST LIKELY – Two giants collide here, one recovering from a bad case of monster swine flu and the other seemingly having ‘revelation of the day’ toilet paper. Transfer bans, a corrupt board room and work permit issues all seem to be happening around a clueless Paul Hart who probably wouldn’t notice if the team bus was invaded by Somali pirates. It’s a shame Dream Team still isn’t on – they could use the last week for a seasons worth of plot lines.

MAN CITY V BURNLEY

SCORE 4-2

MOST LIKELY – Graham Alexandar v Carlos Tevez, Andre Bikey v Emmanuel Adebayor, Steven Fletcher v Joleon Lescott…Getting the drift yet?

TOTTENHAM V SUNDERLAND

SCORE 2-1

MOST LIKELY – When all the hype around this one has been around Darren Bent’s Twitter feed you know the world has gone mad. ‘Go on Darren, say something silly, go on, please. Call Harry Redknapp a t***. Say you’ll run rings around Ledley King. Warn innocent civilians to stay away.’ Darren Bent’s already constructed his yearly sentence so don’t hold your breath.

WOLVES V ARSENAL

SCORE 1-1

MOST LIKELY – Arsenal are winning far too much at the moment, if they’re not careful they’ll win something. So it’s about time they stuffed up against someone who just really isn’t very good. Step up Wolverhampton Wanderers! Apparently they asked for West Brom but they weren’t available this year – they apparently do Premier league shifts with their midlands counterparts. They did manage to book Kevin Doyle though so all is not lost.

CHELSEA V MAN UTD

SCORE 1-0

MOST LIKELY – This could well be a dire affair. Both are in great positions and won’t want to give anything away at this early stage. But Rio Ferdinand is currently playing like a drunk circus performer and Didier Drogba is playing like someone who might just take advantage of that. Make sure you get lots of beer in though because there’s a strong chance you’ll need something to see you through the 90 minutes.

HULL V STOKE

SCORE 0-1

MOST LIKELY – Can you really call ‘yeah, he’ll be around on Saturday’ as a vote of confidence from your boss? Hardly inspiring words and what that basically means is ‘we haven’t quite finished the paperwork for Iain Dowie yet.’ Hull have lost confidence in Phil Brown, and when players like Paul McShane lose confidence you’re only going one way. And it involves a visit to Scunthorpe.

WEST HAM V EVERTON

SCORE 1-1

MOST LIKELY – Everton are losing it a bit aren’t they? My bold prediction of them finishing 3rd this year perhaps sums up why no one should listen to any of this horse s***. Put it this way, these predictions are not likely to get a slot on Sky Sports News giving desperate punters a tip of the day. I may have to change my stance on 3rd place altogether. I reckon Stoke City might sneak in there…Any takers?

WIGAN V FULHAM

SCORE 2-0

MOST LIKELY – It’ll be somewhat of a culture shock going from Rome to Wigan. I’ve heard Wigan does better pizza for one thing. But playing in Europe must be taking it’s toll on the likes of Jonathon Greening, who’s more used to wondering how many times he’ll have to collect a ball from a net rather than debating the serious chance of a win against a good team.

LIVERPOOL V BIRMINGHAM

SCORE 3-1

MOST LIKELY – Liverpool are back to begging for a win. They’re out of the Champions league now…fact (when has an Italian team not lept at the chance of fixing a game, let alone when it’s actually going to help their cause!). The league is their only chance of success now and the term hanging by a thread doesn’t do that chance justice. They are literally taking a bungee jump tied to a piece of floss. I can see Birmingham giving them an early scare but Liverpool should have enough to beat them, everyone else does.

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