The DA

The DA’s Dan Green continues his journey of discovery, mystery and away trips to Barnsley.

Well, it’s been a while since I last did this…How does it work again? Oh yes, I remember – I fill a couple of hours of my working week spouting endless streams of nonsensical, incendiary and in most cases, potentially libellous guff about the team I love, all in the name of supposed ‘sports journalism’!…And I must say, it feels good to be back. Apologies for last week’s absence: – Once again the shadowy, ghoulish spectre that is International football descended upon our nation, forcing all other football news not some how related to Peter Crouch/Darren Bents arguable ‘value’ to their country into the void. Gone are the days of the England team being graced with the talent of a Newcastle player – Kieron Dyer can barely make it to the kettle without breaking a bone; Michael Owen is off playing for some two bit team in Manchester and as for David Batty (the original template for Claude Makelele)…well, the less that is said about Mr. Batty, the better! Needless to say, I think James Milner realised that he had as much chance of getting into the England Senior team at Newcastle as Thierry Henry has of switching on Dublin’s Christmas Lights. Now, if you want to see a REALLY great handball, check out Steven Taylor’s effort a couple of seasons ago…Give the boy an Oscar!

Before I move onto discussing Newcastle’s spectacular 1-0 victory over Preston (I know it’s what you’re all waiting for), I just thought I’d give a quick summary of the main stories that the Championship has churned up over the last few weeks. Obviously, early season managerial departures have been widely documented (did anyone see Alan ‘Southgate’ Partridge during ITV’s coverage of Manchester United vs. Beskitas? Even Andy Townsend appeared ‘tactically informed’ in comparison!). Leicester City continue their fantastic run of form (I said they’d do well!), occupying third place in the table. Nicky Shorey has finally put an end to his fledgling England career by taking a one-way loan-train to ‘Championship-Ville’ via Nottingham (what’s wrong with Newcastle? It’s lovely at this time of year!). Similarly, Roy Keane burnt all bridges with his native homeland by suggesting that the Irish are a “bunch of f****** cry babies” and that he would happily let Thierry Henry walk his dogs, on the sole proviso that he “asked nicely”.

So, drum roll please……Newcastle One……Preston North End Nil. What a game! It had everything – minimal clear-cut chances, wasteful possession and finishing by both sides, one booking (Alan Smith, of course) and a single goal that everyone had to wait 74 minutes for. Wow! Well, as I’ve said before (and I’ll say again, right now) a wins a win and I will happily take that every time. I should be a Chelsea fan you know. Obviously one good thing to come out of Monday’s game was another solid performance from Kevin Nolan, scoring his ninth goal of the season with a fantastic turn and shot in the box. Hopefully, Gary Megson and the spate of other c*** managers in charge of poor to average Premiership teams will keep their filthy collective mitts off Nolan come January. Who knows, a couple of them might even be relegated by then!

Back to normal then this Saturday – Newcastle vs. Swansea as 1st meet 4th in an unlikely top of the table clash (who ever saw Newcastle doing well? Swansea on the other hand – duh!). Joking aside, Swansea are a team performing at a very high level, a key result being their fantastic 3-2 win over rivals Cardiff back in early November. Their young manager, Paulo Sousa, should perhaps done the Swansea kit and take to the field in order to best the Magpies – at 39, he is 25 years younger than Geremi and would probably have as much of an effect on the pitch as he would at an after party with the team’s WAGs and a bottle of Olive Oil (…what a thought). Here’s hoping Sousa keeps his devilish good looks well away from our young impressionable team – All I’m saying is, when Nicky Butt falls in love, he falls hard!!!

Paulo only has eyes for one woman…and one grizzled, old former-Manchester United midfielder. Let’s call him Nicky B…no wait, that’s too obvious – Let’s call him Mr. Butt

Until next week Toon Army veterans/future conscripts!

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