The DA

Portsmouth Football club is to be taken to a car boot sale and sold to whoever can fit the entire squad into the back of their R reg Mondeo estate a Pompey spokesmen can reveal. The news comes after owner Sulaiman Al Fahim recovered from his hangover and realized he not only had a tattoo on his a*** reading ‘fully loaded’ but had also purchased a s*** football team over a heavy round of tequilas.

Al Fahim commented ‘I’m taking the squad down to Fratton car boot on Sunday and will take any reasonable offer. The new owner must be OK with paying a weekly wage bill of 5 million a month to a bunch of c*** like Tommy Smith and Tal Ben Haim. In other words, if you enjoy dropping wads of cash down a toilet and then flushing, this is the team for you!’

Manager Paul Hart said ‘I won’t be able to make the boot sale myself but I’ve been assured should we be bought out by a bunch of Gypsy travellers I will be guaranteed my own caravan and a slightly iffy hot dog stand all to myself. Times are good.’

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