The DA

Sir Alex Ferguson has been ordered to appear in front of the FA and a group of five year old nursery school children to explain the most obvious of all statements ever made in the history of statements. The FA are interested to know what Sir Alex meant when he commented on Alan Wiley’s weekend performance screaming “The pace of the game demanded a referee who was fit. He was not fit. It was ridiculous!”

The Manchester United manager is expected to take a collection of sock puppets, a Barney the dinosaur cuddly toy and a set of casettes aimed at learning the alphabet through song in an attempt to get his point across.

This is not the first time Ferguson has been asked to explain his comments. Last year the Scotsman called Wiley a ‘f***** w***** who couldn’t tell the f***** time from his f****** a***!’ The FA demanded a translation before courageously letting Ferguson off completely.

An FA spokesmen claimed ‘we just get a little confused by all the expletives. Once we’ve figured out that he’s calling our officals a bunch of incompetent cheats who favour Hull City and steal money from orphans we just take it with a pinch of salt. He’s very funny really, and puts on a great puppet show. The things that man can do with a sock is unbelievable!’

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