The DA

Football fans who don’t appreciate reading endless made up s*** have been advised to simply check last minute transfer deals after the deadline has passed at 5pm tonight, so not to humour those who appreciate making up endless s***.

Officials have warned that any sentence starting with ‘my mate’s the Man Utd team’s hairdresser and he saw’ should be ‘deleted immediately’ and ‘burnt where possible.’ So far, David James has been spotted in Manchester, London, Nottingham, Yeovil, Weston Super Mare and Afghanistan, although the Yeovil reports remain unconfirmed.

One source claimed that Manchester City had signed the county of Berkshire whilst another was ‘90% sure’ that former US President George Bush was set to become director of football at Carlisle.

So far, the breaking story of the day has been Michael Turner’s big move to Sunderland… One anonymous football pundit concluded ‘if that doesn’t tell you how dull this day truly is, then nothing will.’

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