The DA

CHELSEA officials are to investigate a breach in security after Didier Drogba was targeted by a trained sniper during last nights Champions league clash. Although stewards have insisted they would have spotted a gunman setting up aim towards the field of play in their scans of the ground, Drogba was clearly shot at several times during the encounter, resulting in him collapsing to the floor in a girly heap and screaming for his mummy.

Gus Hiddink condemned any fan taking matters into their own hands. ‘Look, I hate Didier as much as the next man but don’t waste good bullets on him. All you need to do is ruffle his hair, call him fat or give him a wet willy and that’s that, you’ll get just the same reaction.’

Drogba has strenuously denied claims he is over dramatic saying ‘is this a dagger I see before me, handle towards my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not and yet I see thee still.’ His agent has been quick to promote the forward’s work announcing that ‘matinee performances of ‘Le Didier’ can be seen at Stamford Bridge every Saturday from 3pm.

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